It's been 6 days since Mike died. It's still kind of shocking to me. His cousins have reached out to me, his mother, his sister. He was cremated 2 or 3 days ago.
Day 1 I spent just sitting in shock, repeating the detectives words over & over in my head... "Mike's dead." I kept picturing him hunched over in his truck just waiting to be found. Day 2 I kept thinking about his body laying in the morgue. That's it... at this point Mike was just a body. Day 3 I went through the same thing, Mike is just a body. I was having the hardest time processing the fact that I was laughing with him last week and now he's just a body. When Alex texted me and said, "Mike was cremated today." 😯 my head went spinning. He's gone. 😭 He's not here at all. He's not a body, he's nothing, he's gone!! I feel like he just never even existed. Our marriage, our life together was just something I imagined... a long dream.
I used to believe in cremation. I used to want to be cremated. Mike & I used to talk about being cremated and mixed together. Now that he's been cremated I no long believe in it, because like I said... he's nothing now, as if he never existed. I'm having trouble coping with that part.